I sunk in the chair and disappeared. Megan was sitting much taller and thus attracted more of the questioning. But Sarah talked to me nonetheless. She asked me what I planned to do with my major.
I don't know. Go to law school. Put off finding a career even longer. As long as I can.
People smoke pot in college-- a lot of pot, she reassured me. You should be making mistakes.
In the end, we were let off. I have a "strike", which basically amounts to nothing.
The rest of the day was a nap. The night commenced in the absolute pinnacle of happiness on a mild LSA high, skipping through the empty lot alongside Harrison, under the purple smoggy sky and pink-lit skyscrapers. We were singing. Laughing.
And then it was the complete inverse, sitting in the lobby of Depaul.
Then sitting in some over-zealous excuse of a dorm. Shots of captain. Talking to indy rock kids. Where'd my friends go? I want to go home. I hate alcohol. I don't know these fucking people. Coming and going. Indy rock kids. They always have their lips pierced. Megan was mad at me, but I didn't know it. Nor did I mean to--. I wanted to go home. Someone was playing the acoustic guitar. I hate Weezer.
People came people left people came people left... We left.
We hid in the bushes... They were smoking... Everything was okay now...
Sitting at the L station... Why am I always the sober one?...
So cold...
2:30 AM. I called Kyle on the floor in my bathroom and cried. I want to go home.
I woke up too late this morning for math. I just headed to work, the Chicago wind slicing through me.
The gray gray sky clashing with the yellow yellow leaves. Each tree strategically placed 20 feet apart.
And so I sit here, in this white antiseptic building, under ficus trees and hostas and white-painted stairways. A plastic rainforest. At this white antispectic dest, with my $2.00 coffee. I don't know these fucking people drifting by. Spaced out still and wondering what the fuck am I doing with my life.
I want to go home. I want to walk alongside the natural forest with my parents in the morning, drinking free coffee. Building bonfires. Watching movies with Andy. Driving around with Kyle. Being with the ones I love.
I need to go home.